Nobody fucks themselves as good as America does. On November 5th, over 50% of the population voted for a convicted felon, rapists, tax evader, xenophobe, homophobe and the opposite of intelligence, Donald Trump. Here’s a fun Bingo Card Game of every News Headline you’ll probably see in the next term.

Education

• Math will be stripped down from the education plan, as Donald Trump is unable to understand equations.
• Biology Courses will be completely removed from all schools across the United States.
• Education goals drop by 90%.
• Schools are unable to provide basic education, closing therefore 50% of the landmass‘ schools.
• Books, at all, will be illegal.

Rights

• Kissing between same-sex people in public will be enforced by execution.
• Women are unable to vote, buy anything on their own, own a bank account and get medical aid.
• Police brutality is now considered legal; including the use of rape and assault weapons.
• Police Officers can’t be held accountable, Supreme Court states.
• Medication is no longer paid for by any governmental provision in the US.
• 50% of pharmacies close, as no one is able to buy even Tylenol.

Deaths

• Deaths by Firearms have increased threefold, yet still rising.
• School Shootings are now happening at least 10 times a day.
• People have been burnt to death for using Grindr.
• Deaths among women increases five-fold in basic medical needs.

Taxes, Living

• Billionaires tripled their income within a span of only a year.
• Houses are exclusively sold to people making at least 1 million dollars per year before taxes.
• Amazon paid 0% in taxes.
• Elon Musk owns WalMart.

Media

• Public Radio and TV Channels have been closed entirely.
• NPR sends a SOS-Signal through a Raspberry Pi that is connected to a server outside of the US; Listening to it is considered illegal.
• FOX News is the only news channel available, as it has been declared, that all others have no rights to transmit.

Suicide, Femicide, Homicide

• Brutality against Women has increased by a ten-fold.
• Suicide Rates increased by a five-fold.
• Femicide is now considered legal.

War

• Western Countries have lost control of all worldwide measures; China and Russia own 90% of America.
• Palestine is no longer a country, as all palestinian people have been killed.
• Israel is allowed to rape children, the UN assures.
• Uranium production has increased by a four-fold and will increase daily.

Currently, i’m stating an accuracy of 50% of each sentence; and that 30% of all sentences have become reality.